here comes 2010!

ahh.....here comes 2010 already...
so fast!! @@

seems like ytd my parents made the move to shift house....
seems like ytd that my sister was born...
seems like ytd that i was d innocent n naive high school girl...
seems like ytd i got everything in my life...
seems like ytd tat i passed my music exams...
n seems like ytd i was the strong willed person to have strong likes and dislikes...
what happen to the me?
i guess people change,u change(whoever who is readin it now),i change,we change...
jz like michael jackson's Black or white that my lecturer put on class reviews...
i put all the past behind me...
i crave for lil things unconcerned with my life...
i start to delve into my religion and i start to practise detachment...
am i doing the right thing?
i guess i am...

why am i like this?
being hurt in a few relationships really killed my life during my senior high school years....
it killed me when i first stepped into my first college too...
and nearly did when i had an immune to myself for quitting my music degree...
writing has been my pasttime...
maybe it will stop here as this will be my last post...
i dun wish to hurt anyone with my anonymus posts of writing...
so be it...
the nxt time u guys find me is thru face...
i'm closing this down with this last post...
i wanna wish everyone who hurt me,loved me, hated me,
a very happy new year 2010...
i forgive your sins...
but i dun hope u forgive mine...
because i dun think god can forgive mine as well..
well,i m jz a human...
i wish to end everything with a sorry...
i'm sorry to those who i hurt who met me in this life...
especially my parents n my family...
god bless you all...
happy new year 2010.





AsHLeY

THE PRETENDER

Why must you ask? If you already know the answer.
Why must you seek? If you already know it is there.
why must you think? If you know you’re right.
Why must you pretend? If you know you’re great.


Why must you feel? If you know how it’s like.
Why must you hurt people? If you know they will be hurt.
Why must you cry? If you know you’re sad.
Why must you pretend? If you know the truth.


Why must you guess? If you know it’s yours
Why must you hear? If you know it’s unpleasant.
Why must you agree? If you know it’s wrong.
Why must you pretend? That I have feelings and u make don’t know.




Because only I can see through you and the answer is you are a GREAT PRETENDER!!

AsHLeY

i miss??Vampiress is back!!

i miss........
and the vampiress is back...

vampiress today wanna wish her daddy happy birthday neh!!
too sad vampie cannot bake a cake surprise him...haih....

well...
suddenly vampiress won the battle to be Un~feelingness!
vampiress no mood to talk much...
but feeling very energised!!
vampiress got to work harder to earn more money...
nid money go hv fun...n in order to change a new phone...
haih....
vampiress got the urge to kill someone since last week...
but the person always manage to slip away...
since now is sem break,vampiress is budding the urge to kill for monday...

if monday dun come,there is tuesday n wednesday n thursday!!
vampiress dun k already...
if dun kill him...i m not a vampiress...
not one who is a brunette(half red half brown actually),moods shifter n one helluva unique person...

btw,i still dun get it why guys...n especially guys think i m special...
i m JUST a NORMAL human LAH!!!!
sigh....
till here then....
vampiress gtg....
translocation!
bye~~







AsHLeY DA Vampie

ohkay...surprises...surprises~

wahh.....
too many surprises in two days time...
i hope i get another later...kekeke....
WHY???
yeah...m sooooo gonna tell u why!!
first,it has got something to do with fb....
hehe...my fren suddenly uploaded my beloved donkey eeee~~'s pix...
lol...
hahah...
imagine lah...
suddenly kena tag at my own donkey's head...
blek...dun jealous yah monkey!!
ok...
then 2nd is...
MY MUM!!
she bloody gave me a freaking shock yesterday lah!!
of all the times...
she ask me bout who i m with when i m half asleep...
not yet even wake up!!
walao@@
hello.....why r u like the MIB students...
all assuming pakai suka hah!!!
no i m not with any seniors....
shocking since my mum nvr even bothered to ask me b4 lah wei!!
terkejut gao gao!!
i told her simple only...
wanna knw bout my bro's gf jz go ask him...
i dunno!!
she ask me..
i ask only mah...y u so worked up for??
hello???
as if u dunno any betta than that??
wth...
same college with ur own sibling isn't fun..
yes...
i might hv made some name for myself lah...
but think again...
is it cos of me or my bro that i m famous...
Ashley is the name...
the word for a few of the seniors to breath on..as if i m some kinda drug!!
bloody shit!!
i told u i dun like u senior guys...
so shut the fuck up n leave me alone!!
my warnings have been issued....
n yet...wad the hell r they doing???
if the nxt time i find it happening...
i'll gv a bloody tight slap!!
and jz fuck off....
well,i finally told mummy...no guys frm college nymore....
n then i jz told her is someone new...
n that he is not frm same campus...

i jz met him...
n actually to keep my mum shut up,
i told her i m scared to think about all this...
yeah...hell it does scare me...
3rd surprise man!!!

i saw kelly shu!!
walao....
gurl...i seriously got text u...
but nvr get ur reply..
jz text me wei...
i dunno is u nvr get my sms or what....
i really terkejut see u lah...
u see me like see one ghost!!!
i was on my way to college to settle some stuff!!
dint even think i will get so much of a shock to see u!!
hey gurl,jz to tell u harr....
i quit UCSI half year ago..
now m studying in same college with my bro...
u dint check out my FB profile lah..tat's y...
n my new websites n blogs on my fb...check it out yeah....
it's fun learning to bake rather than music 24 hours!!
haha...yeah..i do still do music...
but on my own!!!
ok lah...till i hear frm u....





AsHLeY

OVER MY FINALS!!!

over liao my finals...
finally....
now sitting n writing again...
if i dun write,i might jz die off....
this feelings jz left me dead....
i donno y....
but everytime i close my eyes,
i'm tortured by the sight of u...
i really cannot take it anymore...
fucked up my whole life now...
i duno why...
i m pissed and i m sad...
i saw u last nite...
u ran the moment u saw my name...
u dun hv to hide from me....
but i promised not to talk...so i wont...
i promised and i will do it...
i hv to sleep...and yet dreams came...
i'll not avoid it again...Nvr....



AsHLeY

what the hell....

i really really feel like cursing now ok...
i'm so sorry...
but tis time i really can't help it...
i don't absolutely know and sure about this....
i really am down...
i don't know who to talk to...
who really trust me...
yes people trust me on their problems when they tell me...
and yes thanks for confiding in me...
but for me?
who do i confide in?
not even my mum...
here??
sometimes i m jz stating that i m turning around n around in circles that pretend i m mighty happy...
n guess what?
i end up being more rotten than ever...
people come n go thru my blog...
but do they ever really understood a single thing i wrote?
yeah maybe some does...
i knw some ppl does...
u dun hv to run or hide now...
i promised u things i have promised...
i won't do what i promised till u made the first move again....
i will suffer in silence no matter what....
no matter how hard it is again...
no matter how many times i muz go thru this kinda pain again...
i will wait....
will wait till the time u r ready to talk to me again....
maybe i m not good enough for u...
maybe i am...
i need time to find out n time to show me...
i need a chill pill from everything tat is going on in my study life now...
especially the 10-6pm hours....
i seriously don't know what to do or say....
i can only write...
n write...
n hope this blog when i see it again some day...
i might find it plenty childish...
to wonder how i can cry n type at the same time...
i pray for forgiveness....
any kind to anyone that i have hurt before...
i am sincerly sorry...
that i hv to hurt people's feelings...
i m what i m today because of karma...
i dint choose to hurt u all...
i need some time to rethink all things possible....
i hv to grow up...
i seriously do...
i nid to stop doing all those childish stuff...
say all those kinda hurting stuff...
even to think about it....
be nicer to everyone does make a difference...
sometimes i use to think...
what will happen if i end up being rude?
maybe i got the answer to it...
that was my past....
being rude is h*** no way now...
i m learning from my past mistakes...
i wanna be free to think....
that i will be someday a good person to talk to...
to reason with...
and to be frens with...
maybe i wasn't such a good fren after all...
so i'm sorry to those whom i wasn't so good at...
sincerly frm me...





AsHLeY

Sick!!

AHHHHhhhhhHHHH!!!!
Of all the bloody times i must fall sick!!!
@@
i really dunno wanna say what....
finals is already here...n i m still sick for 3 days??
god help me!!
i really dunno what to say now...
i can say that i m a bit disappointed with someone....
but i jz dun wanna show it....
i can say that i m really having disturbing thoughts about everything...
i jz dun wan it to happen...
god plz...
why is all this happening over n over again??
i m tired...i really am...plz god...
jz plz let it all end...
let it all end in peace...
i wanna love again...
i know i let my feelings all out before..
but now when he treats me bad,
i feel as if i owe him another piece of me...
i want him to stop being jealous of all my friends...
i dun wanna control his lifestyle...
i only wish he understands tat i wanna have frens...
plz....i really am tired being mentally tortured...
i want him by my side occasionally...
i want him to be called mine...
i want him to succeed in everything he does...
even if it means that i won't get to see him for a few years...
it doesn't matter...
but it does matter to him??
does it not?
i don't know...
if u r reading this post of mine,
will u reassure me sayang?
will u??
tell me i will always be ur baby...
plz god..i want all this answered....
i really hv no more strength in me to fight when i m sick....
plz let it all be alright...
i promise i won't fight with him...
that i will listen to what he tells me...
that i will always support him...
and that i will always love him...
i don't know...
it hurts to be loved and then dumped...
it always had.....
i always wanted to 'belong'...
now u tell me u wanted this feelings not to go away...
but when i asked u again some time ago,
u said u will reconcile...
what is the meaning of this??
i'm scared...
god plz dun play with my emotions...
my feelings....
i want this all to be secured and ended....
plz.....i beg u......




AsHLeY